Kissing was a problem. The dimensions of the TIE fighter made it almost impossible to do it erotically, if that’s what she had a mind for.

Finding a boy who was into TIE fighters wasn’t a problem.

With a cargo capacity of 65 kg, 2 days of consumables, and acceleration at 20 MGLT per second, the TIE fighter was the premier airborne attack system in the Galactic Empire’s already impressive arsenal. It was not good for getting cuddly with a boy, though, and this is what she took exception to. Just when things were getting warm, the Light Ion Cannons would go off, or the 2 Chin Mounted SFS L-s1 Lasers would start pulsing, and the boy would understandably become uncomfortable, edge away.

It did have one advantage, however.

With a sophisticated Subspace AE-35 Transceiver on board, not to mention Passive/ Scan/ Search/ Focus sensors, the TIE fighter could—with a simple twitch of her nose—render the boy immobile.

At which point, she would kiss him.

Which felt a bit grubby, but needs must.

Still, there was this issue with the dimensions—aligning the TIE fighter so she could position her lips on the boy’s.

Its two wings were excellent for operating in both space and planetary atmospheres. But they were bulky and cumbersome. Not streamlined like an X-Wing’s, which, to be fair, had its own set of problems. She had to cock her head this way and that. She had to disable the 2 Concussion Missile Launchers, Chin Mounted on either side of the cockpit’s frontage.

She had to really mean it.

The boy would stare through the Transparisteel Viewport, the SFS F-s3.2 Flight Avionics Control System lights flashing, a pin-sized TIE pilot in situ—his flight helmet and life support chest piece buffed to a black shine. No doubt at the complete beck and call of the girl.

Since she had gone to all the trouble, he would usually kiss her back.


© Jonathan Cardew
[This piece was selected by Dan Malakin]